Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Biggie has no sense of self-awareness

Here's a video of Biggie barking at a video of himself.

(See him at the end? He's all, "Where is that son of a bitch?!")

Here's a video of Biggie barking at a video of himself barking at a video of himself

What a maroon.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

There's a new idiot in this house.

Biggie has competition for Biggest Weirdo in the family, now.

This is Minnie.

She — like Biggie — hates pigeons, has some breathing problem that makes her sound like a tiny piston, and loves having her armpits rubbed.

She took so long to get comfortable with us. She didn't do that cat thing where they squirrel away under a bed, thankfully. Minnie investigated each room and got right up in Biggie's ugly mug and said, "... the fuck?" She didn't sleep at all the first night.

Minnie immediately took a shine to Elliott which both enraged and annoyed me. My relationship with cats has always been of the loving-too-much variety. I'm Lenny and cats are that lady that Lenny squeezed to death.

Elliott being appropriately nice to the cat.
I launched a campaign to make her like me. I gave her a lump of yarn. She played with it with such gusto! Hope carved a little cavern in my heart to keep all the sweet memories Minnie and I were about to make.

Then the yarn got painfully tangled in her furry cat tail and she blamed me for it.

She didn't even stop playing with it! She was meowing because her tail was hurting but each time she twitched, the yarn moved which distracted her and she pulled on the yarn making the knot more impossible. Each time I went to help her she moved away from me and broke my heart into a million splinters. Elliott came and saved her and shit on my heart-shards.

Our relationship has positively grown exponentially since then. She's so picky re: the sort of attention she will allow me to give her. I'm not allowed to lie down next to her — she cheeses it and I won't see her for an hour.
She will, however, let me get away with this:

We also spend a lot of time bonding in the washroom. I hang out in the washroom a lot: watching movies, drinking water, clipping my toenails... The washroom is awesome and it brings me peace. I think this peace is what attracts Minnie to bathroom-Dana.

This is her drinking water/having it on her face.
 She gets up on the counter by hopping up on the toilet lid (we diligently keep it closed now after a close-call), onto the tank, and then to the counter. She used to leap right from the floor but her third or fourth time she leapt forehead-first into the bathroom cupboards. It was hilarious.

I tried to lock her out (because she sniffs our toothbrushes and it fills me with unjustified rage) and she poked her little red paws under the door and breathed heavily until I let her in.

"I heard you peeing."
Biggie mostly avoids her. Sometimes, usually after he gets back in from the great outdoors, he puts the run on her. She handles it amazingly well; she sort of bounds out of the way and but not out of sight. She gets her revenge by lying on a low piece of furniture and swatting Biggie as he obliviously meanders under her.

Anyways, Minnie's a ball. She's a shedding, wheezing, moody ball.

Here's an anti-climactic video of her determining the best way to systematically tear Christmas down:

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